 |
||
But there was always a solution of love ready to be applied !!!
The single most horrible experiences I had for many years in my early childhood was my daily return - or better fall - back into my physical body. Coming night by night from God into darkness on earth is a great distance of difference in vibration. Far more than entering from astral spheres into physical body. I remember how horrified i was each time i consciously had to return into my physical body. Fear to die - day by day - and much later when i returned in deep samadhi back to God to surrender my body to death and later on i returned i had one single times the very same experience again. The only time i ever experienced true fear of death was when i returned from God into my physical body.
The fact that my parents were - cruel and violent, cruel to each other as well as cruel to others and most specially cruel to nature and to animals and beating each other and animals ( and me ) on a very regular base as well as calling each other ( and me ) names was never the cause for that horror and fear i experienced when returning into my body. It was the simple darkness of this very planet that caused such fear and horror again and again for years.
Every single waking up in the morning was like a horrible accident ! But after waking up i always first of all realized "i am still alive" - but even after hundreds of times realizing that i am still alive after returning into my physical body - the horror never got smaller - hence there was a need for a change.
To make my arrival on earth much more gentle it was a firm plan to first close my spiritual eye - hence i did not have to see all that darkness around me. This is very simple - all it needed was a solid accident during delivery - hitting my head hard enough on something solid would do the "job" with rather little pain as compared to the daily horror seeing dark people and cruel auras around me ! Hence when i was born - father and doctor chatted while my mother delivered alone next room and hit me against the bed - and my kutashta was closed for a long time allowing me to be a very normal child in many ways. There would have been no single person ready to talk spirituality ... i wanted from the very beginning of this life-plan to be one among all. And that plan was fully accepted by my father. When i talk about my father - of course i always mean my true father - God. The one for this body is my physical father - in reality my son. And if you think this is complex - it is very simple compared to the many other constellations i saw during my past spiritual years on this planet. My intuition - my spiritual perception - however was fully intact and far more developed than in average person - this was for my own protection and to help or protect others and with the exception of a few visits in a casino in Africa and decades later in Eastern Germany i never used my Intuition for any financial gain nor for business in general.
All my casino visits where strictly limited to a maximum of some 100+ $ gain then i instantly left. Usually this took me just a few minutes. I never lost !!! At that time i never needed the money - as i had already several thousand $ income each months during that time in the 1970ies - hence using my "clearvoyance" as some may call intuition was just for fun every few days or weeks once in a while. Usually I spent that money the same evening for one nice evening with candle light dinner and dancing with my girl friend. I was working 7 days a week from early morning until almost midnight and hence my salary was accordingly and i had no need of anything whatsoever !
The spiritual perception of entering this planet morning after morning was simply too horrible and years later about at the age of 8 - God and me decided together that for a while instead of returning home after each day, staying half way between earth and home might be less of a shock to me specially during earlier childhood years and school time. Hence i often spent the night time in astral spheres less dark but still horrible but less horrible than this planet. And many of the nights i spent with my beloved spiritual friends in loving spheres.
Later on the waking up in the morning turned to be almost normal - i never liked it - but since there was plenty to do during my early teenage years and beyond - waking up early morning around 4:30 - 5:00 and going almost instantly to work has become a normal routine. The returning into body process quick and normal.
Here on earth i was missing love more than anything else. day after day - since my earliest childhood. The search for love started soon and never ended. Here on earth appears to be near zero true love - true as experienced at home in God.
Overview all chapters Angels of Love