thank you very much for what you said
i understood everything

for the last weeks i thought things could improve and really tried to be loving, to give freedom - i no longer possesse her, i do everything that is pleasing her

but i wasn't happy
i felt myself exactly as if both of us are spirutial catalysts to each other

yesterday happened something that caused a lot of pain to me - i saw the monthly print list of her phone (we are in a group in the company we work for and get all of the phone accounts together). i saw her having called to her ex many many times - and never told me. all the time since our last talk on the topic i have thought she is honest with me. i was sure she would share with me this as we talked.

i want to part with her
i am not happy and i don't think love can exist in a relationship which causes pain and deliberately hides the truth
it's been almost 9 months and still her mess from the past is chasing her
you are right - this is no true love
i don't want to have a family with a girl who has this behaviour - hiding, wanting to recieve and give nothing etc

thanks to you i have seen what a bastard i've become under the influence of this "hiding" - a man who doesn't trust his woman, a man who is losing himself trying to fix a broken vase by using a hammer because the glue of trust has been taken from him - for the purpose of a woman trying to fix all the vases she has broken in her past while breaking the present

there is one obstacle - we work together, desk to desk
if we part - for sure i will not be able to work with her
at the same time this job (though it's not making me happy too) gives me enough money to live without being a burden to anyone and this is the reason i don't want to quit

the obstacle is that i will not be able to see her and to be indifferent - i will want to hug her, kiss her... no matter what she does or did.... no matter that i will always see the lies in her eyes - i love her

from the other side - going to work in that office and seeing her empty desk would be very painful too
it would be painful to have her out of my life
as you said before - better some time to heal the pain caused by my ego, instead of all life time living in a dream of a Christmas wish

i want her to understand her "mistakes" as i understand mine (thanks to you)
please help me to solve this situation in the most loving way