I am not a blind follower. Once I understand a teaching I will follow it, until then I won't, no matter who says it to me. I have to understand all the things and it has to be like it.

I'm not so weak as I sometimes think, maybe hans always knew that. I haven't experienced compassion a lot of times in my life and I'm used of kicking butt (I had knifes on my neck, guns pointed at me, several people chasing me at one time...it all had its reasons). Life is not easy, but I'll survive it all, I don't care what it is. I have faith in hans and his teachings and even if he were a fraud I will not judge him for he has shown me and the rest of the world a lot of beautifull teachings. I might have been passionately and angry, but I agree with his teachings, he doesn't endorse celibacy it seems all the rest of the world does. I love girls, can't help myself, I just have to get rid of this feeling of guilt that the monks got into me. Many times it seems he doesn't want to answer some of the questions that bug me the most. Maybe he wants me to answer them on my own or maybe its not the place nor the time for it. Anyhow it has brought me to this point where I will ask questions no more (Yes, hans I can feel it, lol) I'll be going with the flow hoping I do find out.

I am pretty sure Brahmacharya i.e. celibacy, meaning to withdraw your physical senses or sensual desires is just because for us starting to feel the other higher spiritual senses/organs and nothing else. Usually I feel this at night. As I know this I can progress with physical as well as metaphysical love in my life. Can you confirm hans?

Matter of fact is I won't go into celibacy, I can handle electricity ;)) If that will stop me from progressing spiritualy then so be it, and I'll see you brothers and sister in another life ;)

P.S. Bridget, give hans another chance and forgive him.