Dear Gopu
it's nice to see that you continue to learn and practice :-)
remember about "peace of cake" that most people in fact do eat one or several peace of cakes each day while walking 10-15 kms twice a day - form home to work and back from work to home ...
when you do such for a few ears each day in all weather conditions form -20 C to 30+ besides a full daily workload - then it is really a peace of cake and you may eat more than one peace of cake each day.
the day you stop wanting to be better - that's might be the day when you start to become stronger.
i always loved Gurudeva - i never even would have dreamed to do anything he did except to reach God. he was so extremely perfect and divine that the very best i ever wanted is just to love him as i love my divine father and to accept in love his divine guidance he offered me day by day - Gurudeva was a very special gift from father to me - an eternal gift of love. Gurudeva is so divinely unique that we may compliment each others in many ways but we may eternally never compete or attempt to be better than the other.
as to your desire to have a wife ...
may be you search among the nurses or care givers ..
just read your own: "Somehow I managed to drag to the .."
now imagine a beautiful, angel like girl who loves to be your wife
she would have to be your nurse instead of enjoying your strong and protecting love
having a wife is an infinite gift of very special love from God - a wife surely has a divine right to be loved, spoiled and caressed all day - before, during and after daily work rather than being nurse and care giver for a husband - the husband is the uplifting source of love for her.
until you have grown stronger - if you still look for a wife NOW these days - you truly may have to look among nurses ..
if however you want an angel wife - there is but one lesson left
repeat such and similar harder trekking tours and work more and more often until you can smile by the end of each day
by the end of each day you may want to flood your wife with your love, play with wild loving and growing up angel babies until they or you or both are tired,
then love your wife again ...
a relationship is supposed to be fun day and night
flooded with love and loving adventures
in the morning before going to work until midnight ...
imagine the opposite - you would have a wife always scared, always in pain, always tired and always ....
"Somehow managing to drag herself to the matrimonial bed" or "dragging her to the beach" for *sex on the beach with you* then *dragging her home to ...*
and by the end of each day - *you drag her into bed* - she may be too weak to walk into bedroom.
when i read your dramatic part about managing to drag yourself ... i keep on smiling each day again and again - i guess you need a medicine like the one Wolfgang some day years ago got - my biggest angel-daughter Carina 1998 in Simbach Ashram when he still was walking on crutches - she surely would instantly stop you from dragging yourself anywhere and make you walking instead - a man walks upright!
a true girl and wife NEVER has pity with any men - a true girl expects strength and love, protection, shelter and wisdom and has a divine right to receive such each day - 24/7. a man is what YOUR eternal wife received from God - a man is what YOU have to surrender to her if you want to receive her love.
