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Received Fri, 29 Sep 2006 12:19:51 PHT
How ask your husband for a divorce - how to ask your wife for divorce
There are apparently a similar number of men or women thinking about divorce than thinking about marriage. The reason why many search for a solution "How ask your husband for a divorce" is often to find a reason for divorce. People marry for the wrong reason or marry the wrong partner and end up in a relationship without romance, without true happiness and one day start asking above question.
One of my practical examples from spiritual marriage counseling in earlier years was such a question - ask by both partners in individual sessions. The key was that both felt to be in a wrong relationship but both wanted a divorce without causing pain to the partner. Out of love, out of friendship to the current partner people want to know how to ask husband/wife for divorce.
The solution is easy:
If you want divorce, you most likely want to divorce for missing true happiness within yourself in your current marriage. True inner happiness seldom or never can be verbalized - happiness deep inside is created by the flow of true love, happiness deep inside either exists or is missing. To create such true happiness deep inside another person is the result of true divine love that flows between two truly matching persons - heart to heart, soul to soul - body to body. Tell the truth. A loving partner simply has to accept any request for divorce with or without reason. When you are being ask to leave, when you are being asked to divorce, you have no choice but to lovingly say YES to such a request. It is the right of every person to be happy. It is the right of every person to feel happy. Feeling happy never can be truly explained in words. Hence never ask for "why" - never ask for a reason for divorce. The simple reason of wanting something different in life, more love, a different love, more direct love, or to be really free for another particular person is enough reason.
In most cases people never can explain in words the reason why they want divorce - in some cases they can verbalize the reason / cause for asking divorce. Even if another person is the reason - the true reason never is the other person, the true reason for divorce is that there IS a mismatch that most likely has been existing from the very beginning of the relationship and even might have been known to both from the very beginning. Mismatch never needs to be explained. Mismatch may be a different orientation in life, different values in life, different ways to express love or to expect love to be expressed.
When a car owner feels that one of his tires causes vibration in the car - he may never know the exact cause for the imbalance but he feels that the vibration caused by a particular car might endanger the safety and overall wellbeing of a vehicle and hence that a change of tire is needed.
When you feel being in a wrong relationship you also feel that no matter what the exact reason for the mismatch - the present partner can never be an ideal match - but a separation is needed to find within yourself what you want and need.
Often it is a wrong perception of your very own innermost needs that caused the choice of a wrong husband/wife ain early years of life. After while "consuming" the love your present partner offer or creates for you, you become a ware that more or something different in love is what you need.
Most of the time BOTH partners - man and woman - need more time for preparation, for inner maturity, for self-improvement and above all finding your very own true innermost needs before you can make a correct choice of partner.
When asking a partner for divorce, avoid strictly naming mistakes your partner might have - mistakes often are provoked by wrong action of one part of a marriage. Wrong action causes wrong reaction and results finally in a chain-reaction of wrong actions on both sides. One first wrong action in early stage of relationship, even wrong reasons, doubts or fear of marriage or wrong motives to select the current partner may result in a chain reaction in both - husband and wife - leading to lack of true satisfaction in love-life and to the feeling that a change is needed without the knowledge of exact reason. Strictly avoid searching for a guilty part - no one is guilty when a marriage breaks apart but both are responsible for having failed to properly prepare BEFORE marriage started and thus BOTH have caused a marriage with a wrong partner.
This feeling of being truly loved can never be explained - it never can be created by intellectually controlled techniques - but true love instantly is existing from the very beginning, from the first minutes of a relationship and all days onward - or - it is missing and any delay to divorce after the very first seconds or minutes of meeting the very first time is the result of lack of readiness to admit your own true and FULL needs in a love relationship. Missing true love and missing the feeling of truly and fully being loved during the very first minutes of your very first date never can be earned or created as a result of months or years togetherness. The maturity to fully make happy either is existing NOW the very first minute you meet a potential lover - OR - that maturity resulting from years, decades or many incarnations of learning to love and practicing to love is missing and hence sooner or later causes you to search for divorce.
You either fall truly in love the very first seconds or most likely never for years, decades or a full lifetime.
The stronger one asks for divorce, the weaker one wants to hold onto the wrong relationship. The one who really loves can let go in deep love and true friendship. If a partner refuses to let go he proves missing true love and hence justifies by his simple refusal of peaceful instant divorce the need for divorce.
When asking for divorce simply as in your name for divorce without naming any guilt or mistake - simply ask for freedom to find yourself, to find the person of your dreams, to be alone again and have the time to find out what you really want or to find happiness your way with another person or all on your own.
Refusal to peacefully divorce results in the beginning of search and naming of causes, mistakes, guilt - finally may end in causing bad words no one truly wants. Bad words and damage to the heart of the one who has shared years of your life to help you to grow stronger and more loving or to help you to realize your true needs of love.
Once you are free now from your partner - learn from your past, learn to properly prepare for true love, for true romance in deep harmony. Learn to know and admit your real innermost needs. Prepare to accept such needs in others as well, prepare to fulfill all such needs in your future partner. Many chapters have been written here in the Cyberspace Ashram about how to prepare for love, how to make happy, how to accept love or how to give love. Study and practice all such lessons of love and take the time needed - years or decades - before entering another possibly wrong relationship. While for most a year of single life may appear like eternity. We actually learn to love here and now for true eternity and that means we learn all the basic needs for love for our coming millions and billions of years ahead of us. We learn to love for absolute eternity and this in mind a few years of real learning and preparing for a love-relationship is like the many years we spend to prepare for our earthly career. All kids accept 10 or even more years of school being normal to get a really fine job - hence we all also should be willing to invest a similar time to learn to love and hence to be ready for true love.
If all people would spend half as much time, efforts and money to learn to love, to learn to be husband or wife - then most divorces or most wrong marriages could be avoided from the very beginning.
Love and bliss
hans
One of my practical examples from spiritual marriage counseling in earlier years was such a question - ask by both partners in individual sessions. The key was that both felt to be in a wrong relationship but both wanted a divorce without causing pain to the partner. Out of love, out of friendship to the current partner people want to know how to ask husband/wife for divorce.
The solution is easy:
If you want divorce, you most likely want to divorce for missing true happiness within yourself in your current marriage. True inner happiness seldom or never can be verbalized - happiness deep inside is created by the flow of true love, happiness deep inside either exists or is missing. To create such true happiness deep inside another person is the result of true divine love that flows between two truly matching persons - heart to heart, soul to soul - body to body. Tell the truth. A loving partner simply has to accept any request for divorce with or without reason. When you are being ask to leave, when you are being asked to divorce, you have no choice but to lovingly say YES to such a request. It is the right of every person to be happy. It is the right of every person to feel happy. Feeling happy never can be truly explained in words. Hence never ask for "why" - never ask for a reason for divorce. The simple reason of wanting something different in life, more love, a different love, more direct love, or to be really free for another particular person is enough reason.
In most cases people never can explain in words the reason why they want divorce - in some cases they can verbalize the reason / cause for asking divorce. Even if another person is the reason - the true reason never is the other person, the true reason for divorce is that there IS a mismatch that most likely has been existing from the very beginning of the relationship and even might have been known to both from the very beginning. Mismatch never needs to be explained. Mismatch may be a different orientation in life, different values in life, different ways to express love or to expect love to be expressed.
When a car owner feels that one of his tires causes vibration in the car - he may never know the exact cause for the imbalance but he feels that the vibration caused by a particular car might endanger the safety and overall wellbeing of a vehicle and hence that a change of tire is needed.
When you feel being in a wrong relationship you also feel that no matter what the exact reason for the mismatch - the present partner can never be an ideal match - but a separation is needed to find within yourself what you want and need.
Often it is a wrong perception of your very own innermost needs that caused the choice of a wrong husband/wife ain early years of life. After while "consuming" the love your present partner offer or creates for you, you become a ware that more or something different in love is what you need.
Most of the time BOTH partners - man and woman - need more time for preparation, for inner maturity, for self-improvement and above all finding your very own true innermost needs before you can make a correct choice of partner.
When asking a partner for divorce, avoid strictly naming mistakes your partner might have - mistakes often are provoked by wrong action of one part of a marriage. Wrong action causes wrong reaction and results finally in a chain-reaction of wrong actions on both sides. One first wrong action in early stage of relationship, even wrong reasons, doubts or fear of marriage or wrong motives to select the current partner may result in a chain reaction in both - husband and wife - leading to lack of true satisfaction in love-life and to the feeling that a change is needed without the knowledge of exact reason. Strictly avoid searching for a guilty part - no one is guilty when a marriage breaks apart but both are responsible for having failed to properly prepare BEFORE marriage started and thus BOTH have caused a marriage with a wrong partner.
This feeling of being truly loved can never be explained - it never can be created by intellectually controlled techniques - but true love instantly is existing from the very beginning, from the first minutes of a relationship and all days onward - or - it is missing and any delay to divorce after the very first seconds or minutes of meeting the very first time is the result of lack of readiness to admit your own true and FULL needs in a love relationship. Missing true love and missing the feeling of truly and fully being loved during the very first minutes of your very first date never can be earned or created as a result of months or years togetherness. The maturity to fully make happy either is existing NOW the very first minute you meet a potential lover - OR - that maturity resulting from years, decades or many incarnations of learning to love and practicing to love is missing and hence sooner or later causes you to search for divorce.
You either fall truly in love the very first seconds or most likely never for years, decades or a full lifetime.
The stronger one asks for divorce, the weaker one wants to hold onto the wrong relationship. The one who really loves can let go in deep love and true friendship. If a partner refuses to let go he proves missing true love and hence justifies by his simple refusal of peaceful instant divorce the need for divorce.
When asking for divorce simply as in your name for divorce without naming any guilt or mistake - simply ask for freedom to find yourself, to find the person of your dreams, to be alone again and have the time to find out what you really want or to find happiness your way with another person or all on your own.
Refusal to peacefully divorce results in the beginning of search and naming of causes, mistakes, guilt - finally may end in causing bad words no one truly wants. Bad words and damage to the heart of the one who has shared years of your life to help you to grow stronger and more loving or to help you to realize your true needs of love.
Once you are free now from your partner - learn from your past, learn to properly prepare for true love, for true romance in deep harmony. Learn to know and admit your real innermost needs. Prepare to accept such needs in others as well, prepare to fulfill all such needs in your future partner. Many chapters have been written here in the Cyberspace Ashram about how to prepare for love, how to make happy, how to accept love or how to give love. Study and practice all such lessons of love and take the time needed - years or decades - before entering another possibly wrong relationship. While for most a year of single life may appear like eternity. We actually learn to love here and now for true eternity and that means we learn all the basic needs for love for our coming millions and billions of years ahead of us. We learn to love for absolute eternity and this in mind a few years of real learning and preparing for a love-relationship is like the many years we spend to prepare for our earthly career. All kids accept 10 or even more years of school being normal to get a really fine job - hence we all also should be willing to invest a similar time to learn to love and hence to be ready for true love.
If all people would spend half as much time, efforts and money to learn to love, to learn to be husband or wife - then most divorces or most wrong marriages could be avoided from the very beginning.
Love and bliss
hans
